The Importance of Building Relationships in the Turfgrass Industry

October 22, 2018 in Articles

Several years ago, Frank Dobie, General Manager & Senior Agronomist of The Sharon Golf Club gave to a group of soils consultants some years ago. The following is the text of the talk, which focuses on the importance of building relationships in our industry:

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WE HAVE IS OUR RELATIONSHIPS

I am here because Tom Burrows asked me to be here. He is one of my best friends and I support him how ever I can. I wanted to talk about relationships because I think it can be the most satisfying part of our lives.

I AM NOT GOING TO TELL YOU ANYTHING YOU ALREADY DON’T KNOW

I am an expert on relationships, but so are all of you. You have had them from the day you were born.

I believe we all know how important working relationships are to our lives and yet we KEEP FORGETTING and do things that sabotage working and powerful relationships.

My intent tonight is to remind us all again of their importance and we have a choice about them.

GRATIFICATION

We are constantly told that things like a new car, a bigger house, more money, thinner bodies, etc will make us happy. These things are gratifying but do not bring lasting happiness.

SATISFACTION

Watching your son play in his first soccer game. Being there to witness your daughter in a school play. Celebrating your son’s graduation from high school or college. Being the one that your brother comes to for counsel. Being greeted with joy by my your parents when you visit them for no special reason. Seeing and holding your first grandchild and realizing what a miracle he or she is. Being able to call one of your close friends with a success or failure you just had and they really listen.   Being able to tell your spouse the worst thing about yourself and they do not make you wrong. These are things that are satisfying. Just the memory of these events can make us feel happy.

Our relationships can bring us comfort, joy, adventure, discovery, full self expression and love. They can be energizing, exciting, challenging and inspiring.

……….Or they can be draining, depressing, stifling, boring, and hateful.

The choice is always yours. Since you are the one that created your relationships.

HOW EASY IT IS TO ESTABLISH A RELATIONSHIP?

Ask yourself ….How do you feel about this new person? What is it based on? Is there anything missing from this relationship? Who adds that to the relationship?

PATCH ADAMS

said, “My intention is to HELP you focus on solutions rather than the problems.”

ALL WE EVER REALLY WANTED TO DO IS TO MAKE A CONTRIBUTION TO SOMEONE ELSE.

From the time we were little kids all we ever wanted to do was to contribute to others. Look in your lives and identify a contribution you made to someone else. Did that bring you joy and satisfaction? Was that your pay off? That is different from doing someone a favor with the idea that then they owe you one back. That’s manipulation.

UNFULFILLED EXPECTATIONS

Write down goals for or in your relationships. Be specific. Write as many as you can until you get bored. Then write some more. 40 or 50 items are a good start. Go back over your list and eliminate all generalities. Be very specific. You would not send your husband to the grocery store without a list of specific items you want. Or you would not send your wife to the hardware store without a list of the specific items you want. If you are not specific you will be disappointed with what the other buys.   Since your relationships are far more important to you than groceries or hardware, why would you leave it to chance by not telling the other person exactly what you want?

WHAT GETS IN THE WAY OF A WORKING RELATIONSHIP?

Examples: Arrogance, Self righteousness, Embarrassment, Fear of Being Wrong, Fear of Failure, Holding Back Full Self Expression, etc. Identify the barriers in your relationship. Identification is the path to elimination of the problem. Being right is just an avoidance of being wrong. From the time you were a little kid being wrong was a terrible thing. Give up being right and it will be easy to give up being wrong.

Our unwillingness to fully express love and respect for another. Make others O.K. with you regardless of how they are. Don’t wait until a person dies and be sad that you never told them how you really felt. Completing your relationships with full and honest expression right now will keep your relationship complete and satisfying.

Not forgiving another and yourself for past transgressions is the most often used barrier to all relationships.

Trying to fix a relationship is futile because what that really means is trying to fix the other person. If you try to fix another, you are really saying that they are not all right with you just the way they are. You have no chance of changing someone when they know that they are not O.K. with you the way they are. If they do something that is annoying to you tell them, and then make them O.K. with you just the way they are.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH

If you are constantly looking to others for approval, you are going to be disappointed at some level. You will not be good enough in someone’s eyes. You have said or done something in your life that has displeased someone. So you’re not going to get a favorable response from them. The only other choice is to declare to yourself that you are good enough. Tell yourself every day that you are good enough. This may require some practice because you have spent so much time and effort trying to prove your self worth rather than simply declaring it.

A WORKING RELATIONSHIP

To create a successful working relationship is simple. Find out what the other person wants and give it to them if you are able. Working relationships are really recreational activities that co-exist with two or more people. Recreation is the refreshment of mind and body. Create recreation with another and what we call relationship becomes fun and satisfying.

GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS

The good news is that: It is easy to establish a working relationship.

The bad news is that: You have to give up making others WRONG.

A POWERFUL RELATIONSHIP

To create a powerful relationship is a bit more difficult. Find out what the other person wants and no matter what that is, commit to them your support for them to succeed. You have to give up making them wrong. Be willing to except that person just exactly the way they are without having to change or fix them in some way. In other words, make them O.K. with you just the way they are. Allow them to have FULL SELF EXPRESSION without holding anything back.  Create ecstasy with that other person no matter what their response. Realize that you and only you are the source of love and respect with all of your relationships.

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS YOU LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN

“ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN”, by Robert Fulghum

Share Everything

Play Fair

Don’t Hit People

Put Things Back Where You Found Them

Clean Up Your Own Mess

Don’t Take Things That Aren’t Yours

Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody

Wash Your Hands Before You Eat

Flush

Balance Your Life by Learning some, thinking some, drawing and painting, singing dancing and playing, and working some each day.

Take a Nap (BREAK) Every Afternoon

When you cross the street, (GO OUT IN THE WORLD) Watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.

Be Aware of all the wonders around you.

And one thing I will add is:

“You are not right or wrong about anything, it is just your point of view.”

 

 

Frank Dobie

General Manager & Senior Agronomist

The Sharon Golf Club